One Building

How can one building be so intertwined in my life over the last 15+ years?

One building – the hospital.

I have a love/hate relationship with my hospital.  I’ve celebrated the births of both my boys (as well as nieces and nephews) here, and I’ve watched as my grandmother took her last breath here.

I’ve accompanied others to procedures, ER visits, surgeries, and treatments here, and I have had procedures, ER visits, surgeries and treatments here.

Many a time I’ve walked in with flowers and a card, or a box of chocolates, or a fruit basket, or a change of clothes, or a baby seat..

I have worked here for 2 years until the Health Department re-located, and now I’m back working here again.

I have had memories here at the hospital – events that are ingrained in my mind, in slow motion….ready to be played back at a moment’s notice.

I have connected with my soul sister here, and I have visited more than one person here at the end of their lives.

My relationship with my hospital is a long term one, and I know I’ll have many more dates with this old friend.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Feeling Dis-Connected

It has been 5 months since I’ve last written a blog post.  Being back to work, I realize how little time I have to reflect.  And it’s reflection that leads me to share my inner thoughts in my posts.

Looking back over the last almost 3 years since my journey began, it amazes me how many things have occurred.  

Since I was diagnosed with breast cancer, both a niece and a cousin have been diagnosed with breast cancer; my Aunt went through a second battle with breast cancer; I connected with my soul sister, who is continuing her fight with lung cancer.  

I have lost a neighbour and a friend.

I have returned to work, in many ways a completely new person, and, in other ways, so much the same.  It’s so easy to become dis-connected with your inner self, with the true reason or purpose for our lives here on this planet.  Our egos are ever looming around us and over us, waiting to pounce at any perception of slight or in-equity in our relationships.

Although intellectually I know the right path, the better choice, sometimes….my ego wins out.  

When I remember waiting for my biopsy results and feeling that my time here may be limited, my ego was no-where to be found!  I knew the right things to do, the amendments to make to those I had hurt, the ability to let things go because relationship takes precedence over ego.

I yearn to have that back.  And I do not need another cancer diagnosis to have that back.  It is within me.  I need to carve out time to reflect, to go within, to meditate, to read, to ponder…and the connection will return, like a long lost friend – we will pick up where we left off.


Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I love and am loved unconditionally

This was the centering thought for my meditation today (Day 8 of Oprah and Deepak’s free 21 day meditation challenge). 

We are all loved unconditionally by the Universe (higher power, spirit, God). Once we begin to love ourselves unconditionally, then we can begin to love those around us – not as we wish them to be – but as they are. 
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Today I am open to miracles

This was the centering thought for my meditation today (Prah and Deepak’s free 21 day meditation challenge). 

Miracles happen everyday, but we’ll miss them if we’re not paying attention. So today, be ultra aware and you’ll experience miracles of your own, big and small. 
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Did I just Dream This Up?

Coming back to work after 2 years off has been surreal….the drive in was the same; the parkade was the same; my elevator pass still worked; the offices are all the same; many of the people are the same; the work is essentially the same – even my desk drawers still have my stuff in them from 2 years ago!!
I had to stop myself a few times yesterday, and ask myself, “Did I just dream up the last 2 years?  Did I really go through breast cancer?”
And then I remembered – the mammogram and ultrasound; the core needle biopsy with complications; the shocking diagnosis of stage 2 ductal in situ HER2+ breast cancer; the partial mastectomy with sentinel node removal; the 8 cycles of chemotherapy with 4 separate chemo drugs; the 25 cycles of radiation therapy with a boost over my scar; the 17 cycles of Herceptin IV Therapy; losing my hair; getting depressed; gaining weight; being on steroids, sleeping pills, anti-depressants, nerve blockers, arthritis meds; going for counselling, massage therapy, physiotherapy.
Oh yeah, that really did happen.
And then I remembered my hair starting to grow back; starting to go for walks again; weening myself off the sleeping pills, nerve blockers, anti-depressants….starting to lose weight and feeling more like myself again.
To know that I was not forgotten while I was away means the world to me; in fact, I was just searching for a daytimer (I would always request a daytimer slightly different from the typical ones provided).  I found a stack of daytimers and a voice said to go through them (silly I thought because surely they were all the same)….lifting up each daytimer to look at the one below and my heart skipped a beat when I spotted my name on a sticky on the daytimer I always ordered – and it was for this year!  I teared up.
What a blessing to close the chapter of my life that brought me to discover who I truly am, and keeps me on the path to who I would like to become.
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Guidance from Above

When we hear of someone young passing away and leaving behind a family with young children and a shattered husband, we question the sense of that.  How can that be fair?

And it isn’t fair; but it was meant to be.

With all the material I’ve been reading and watching, seeking knowledge about the purpose and meaning of life, as well as proof of “the other side”… has occurred to me that the soul, from the other side, is privy to the innermost thoughts and feelings of their loved ones here on Earth.  In this way, the soul of the departed may be better able to guide their loved ones here.  Although we cannot see or speak with our loved ones after they are gone, they are around us.  They know our thoughts and our feelings and they work hard at sending us subtle (and sometimes very overt) signs that they continue to journey with us and we are not alone.

To die is not a punishment.  It is a return home.

The punishment is for those who are left to continue their time here on Earth without their loved one.  But that too can be bearable once you know in your heart that you are only temporarily separated, and you will be together again.

For all those whom I love and who are no longer here physically, I know they hear my thoughts.  I know they are around when I think of them and miss them.  And I know they are guiding me in my journey, and waiting for me with open arms.

All we have is right here, right now.  Live your life.  Be happy.  Forgive.  Count your blessings.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Gratitude as a way of life

Here is an excerpt from a blog post which brought me to tears.

“I wrote down a few lines every day for years. I never missed a day no matter how tired I was or how early I would have to start the next day. Before I would write, I would ponder this question: “Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to touch us or our children or our family today?” As I kept at it, something began to happen. As I would cast my mind over the day, I would see evidence of what God had done for one of us that I had not recognized in the busy moments of the day. As that happened, and it happened often, I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what He had done.

More than gratitude began to grow in my heart. Testimony grew.”

Powerful words.  God blesses us everyday.  Every moment.  Had God not had a hand in it, I would not have sat down at my computer at this time and seen this beautiful post.  Once you begin to see (and sometimes you have to look hard) the blessings, gratitude becomes a way of life, and this, in turn, becomes your prayer.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Happy Anniversary!

It’s been a year since I started my blog, and 2 years since I began my journey through breast cancer.

The lessons I’ve learned through my journey, through my blog, in my meditations/reflections, and in seeking knowledge about life, its meaning, the “other realm”…these lessons have been the most life-changing for me.

I have never been more “connected” to myself and my higher power.  I have never been so free of guilt, fear, resentment, bitterness, and worry.

Happy Anniversary to me!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

What’s Really Important?

How clean your hair and teeth are, or how pure your heart and mind are?

How many people know your name, or how many names you know because you care?
How much money you make, or how generous you are with what you have?
How much stuff you own or how you make people feel when they’re with you?
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Luminary Ceremony Relay For Life 2013


What a tremendous honour – the opportunity to share a blog post and a few words at the start of a most symbolic and impactful ceremony. Remember, Celebrate, Fight Back.

Posted in Breast Cancer, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment